New Start

All my life I sat back and followed others and relied on them for every need and didn't take a second to think back and see what I really wanted from life. no decisions were made from my own wants and need and it led me to get into a horrible relationship that ended in a lot of heartache. After finding out that she was cheating on me my behind my back and breaking up with her for almost a year, eventually I had a second chance with her and ended up helping her cheat on her boyfriend at the time. Of course I didn't feel like that would be a reoccurring trend but obviously I was wrong. A few months later i was cheated on again, by the same person, for a second time, yeah i didn't think through that much. Now I try not to blame others for my own personal problems and I try my best to take responsibility for my actions but on the other hand, I have to also think about the fact that there are times when my problems are not my fault. What im getting at here is that I have issues emotionally from this that I try my best to not allow them to interfere with my life. (if you want to know more email me.) Now my issues that came from both my reliance on others around me and a bad relationship (Both times) that ware more physical than anything led me to believe that I was worthless and that the world might be better without me. I couldn't bring myself to do anything drastic but instead of cutting my wrists i cut my upper arm in an attempt for some attention and to see who still cared enough to want to help. I ended up getting caught in PE with the scars by a friend who was concerned and wanted me to get help. My parents found out (I dont know if it was because of this friend or not) and they quickly made me go to a phycologist who ended up just talking a lot to me and making me realize my potential. This painful experiment led me to one conclusion, even without her (ex) I had so much to live for and many people that care about me. unfortunately that didn't last long as i was forced to see her everyday at school, because we shared the same friends. Senior year I found alcohol and began to drink a lot and as often as I could. this lasted for over a year and then I came to Missouri State University. After my sister forced me to go to Christian Campus House and I was forced to have Christian friends (something I had previously vowed never to have) I began to see things in a different light. I sat back for over half a year and thought about what I wanted in life for the first time. After a lot of searching I found a few things about myself that I never knew. I was so unhappy with my life but I just lived it as a day by day experience instead of what the future may hold or how I feel about a certain situation. life is a beautiful thing and people in it are an amazing part of Gods great creation. I honestly never got the expression "you have to stop and smell the roses" until now. life goes by fast so enjoy whats around you, enjoy the beauty of nature and the beauty of those around you. Dont sit back and judge people for what you see on the outside but look for the beauty on the inside. its not easy to find sometimes but once you do their true beauty shines. I don't care if you black, white, gay or straight were all Gods creation and that in itself is a beautiful and glorious thing. I am sorry for this intro post but I needed to let this be known and I needed for you all to know. Have a great day.

-Cale Fichter